july work
monthly theme: [process]
The space between process as a noun and as a verb is liminal--awkward, confusing, and also full of autonomy--like puberty, kinda. Our process of processing events is our own. No matter what we were taught, as adults it is our responsibility to find a path through our emotions with our emotions. The process is the work. There’s no way around it except to do it, to spiral into it...Not to be confused with spiralling thoughts/feelings, but the spiral that is the timeline of understanding--one of the most ancient symbols we have.
Negative thought spirals feel like drilling down into the ground, hyper fixating on one (usually unhinged) mode of survival (which is often a state of constant worry that is generally unhelpful and distracts us from seeing the actual problem...at least that’s the case when I find myself in a spiral). But to actively spiral into oneself is to move with the emotional energy generated by an experience. It’s to tap into the current that’s whipped you up and follow it all the way through to the other side ~ easier said than done, I know.
The work is to not only let it unfold in front of you, but also to step into the flow with it, building a relationship with the processes of your life. Remain as present as possible and pay attention. Follow as close to your intention and notice how you (or your intentions) adapt along the way. Allow the present moment(s) to envelop you completely so you feel like part of your circumstances instead of as if your circumstances are happening to you. Leaning into life, and seeing where you are in it is part of the process of understanding it.
You are an active part of your own life. You are part of the process, not separate from it. You could even go so far as to say that you are the process, because you are. Sure, there are many forces at play, but your own life force--your own will and decisions--are your life, they generate many of the processes that move your life along. The work is to dip into that, to consistently be part of what’s going on and play an active role in the processes that unfold in front of you, because you are unfolding them too.
Last week, you noticed how you process emotional events, so this week you can work with that information. If you want to overhaul your processes, I truly recommend therapy, but I know that isn’t accessible to everyone. Books on attachment styles are a good alternative because they shed light onto how we relate to the world around us. I also suggest reaching out to friends whose emotional reactions you admire (or are jealous of) and ask them how they got to such a place of serenity. These trusted loved ones can help give you perspective and work through difficult times.
I will say, however, that I’ve looked to the wrong people for this kind of support before, which is why my first suggestion is therapy. The thing about working on your processing skills is that it is a process itself. A process that I don’t feel comfortable making blanket statements about because I believe a lot of our ability to respond and understand is built up from childhood in our family of origin. And although there’s plenty of studies about archetypal family dynamics, I’m not a professional in that area of study.
This disclaimer is also to remind us all that internal processes, understanding the world and how we interact with it, is one of the first lessons we learned on this earth and it is intrinsically linked to our survival. So don’t berate yourself if changing your processes is a longer process than you expected. It can be lifelong work to understand and process life as it is. I am by no means an expert myself, I just see how important this tedious work has been for me and know the power of being encouraged to keep trudging along in it.
So start the work now. Set the intentions for this lifelong work now. Reflect on the processes you implemented or uncovered when the world came screeching to a halt because of Covid. Do you have a process that you’re proud of? Can you adapt that approach to other areas of your life where you feel less prepared?
Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes many blows of the hammer to split open solid stone. And the person swinging the malet knows it is not the last strike that cracks open the rock, but every hit before it. And that’s the work we’re in. Slowly chipping away at our habits/patterns/processes until something shifts within us.