june forgiveness
monthly theme: [isolation]
What is there to forgive when it’s just you and your thoughts? Sitting in the amalgamation of ideas, actions, and present circumstances through which we generate our identity, what does your mind cling to as its idea of “self”? And how can we lovingly detach from the need to identify as anything other than interconnected and malleable?
“I don’t feel like I’m doing enough, because as one person, I cannot do everything. I cannot change the world by myself.” Is a truth I had to constantly remind myself (and my friends) as our community took to the streets against white supremacy and all the ways it’s killing our neighbors. Under this context, isolation can mean so much more than simply being by yourself. It can be about finding yourself, your place, your work, and your humility over and over again.
Forgiveness can be brought into this by releasing old versions of ourselves--which is how I spent most of the time alone; reflecting and composting bits and pieces of who I thought I wanted to be. Sifting through all the information I claimed as my identity to make sure I was living it out.
This personal process feels like one drop in an incomprehensibly vast ocean of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. Your power and evolution seems miniscule in comparison to collective action, but that doesn’t make the work any less important. Possibly the forgiveness comes when we kill off the ego who wants us to believe that we are the sun.
Not your community, nor your job, nothing in this world revolves around you, and yet, every perspective you form has you at the center, an unmoving force looking out onto the world. To isolate ourselves from any part of this collective human experience has its purpose, but don’t get it twisted--you are not alone in anything that you do. Like I said during the week of intention: “Nothing happens out of context, on its own in a vacuum, it is all connected, but disconnecting from our routines and the physical presence of loved ones brought us to something bigger, even if it was simply grief.”
They say you are a reflection of the “X” number of people you hang out with the most. Which is often true, but it’s not an ultimatum or an excuse. I lived with my parents for a year and even though I’m already turning into them like those Proegressive commercials, I gave myself enough space to have my own unique experience of this past year...and we all did. No matter how much we were “in this together,” there were a million and one ways to be “in it” at all.
So during this fourth week, like every fourth week of every month on our journey so far, I encourage you to look back on the new connections and understanding you’ve built and continue to give yourself space. Extend grace when you catch your ego inflating or deflating at a rapid rate. Notice when you believe your efforts are the only thing working and/or the only thing holding you back. Zoom out. Be patient and loving as you contextualize each new experience within your current understanding of the world and how you fit into (or stand out of) it.
We can isolate ourselves from the truth, from history, our friends, family, tragedy, and even ourselves. Maybe that’s the point of meditation, but even so, the act of going inward, of incubating, still influences those around us. Remember that nothing is good or bad, it is whatever meaning we decide to project onto it.
Forgive yourself for setting grandiose expectations during quarantine and let yourself mourn the time alone if you need to slowly peel yourself out of the cocoon you had to build to survive this past year. Let any ideas of how any of this was “supposed to be” simply fade away, because there was no rule book for 2020. And there is no rule book for how to come out of it, only human beings with basic needs.
Enjoy this quarantine-inspired look book/daydream I came across on are.na: