june intention
monthly theme: [isolation]
Isolation seems like the epitome of our Covid-19 experience; however, we lived in isolation even before the pandemic, clinging to ourselves, not realizing the exclusions we were creating. I would argue that the only difference in the Covid-19 remix of this isolating existence was that we generally had less options to distract us from our loneliness.
I don’t say any of this pessimistically, I say it because it’s what I’ve noticed about isolation this past year...oh, but this is the week of intention, opening ourselves up to working with the theory and praxis of isolation and what that means on every level.
Isolation isn’t just being alone or experiencing loneliness, it goes much deeper. It’s like being in a box of mirrors (often not as expansive or freeing as a Yayoi Kasuma installation)--especially these days when isolating still means we can fill every hour of the day consuming someone else’s life through a screen. The ability to fill the possible void is endless even in a pandemic. We know this because we did it.
But what does it mean to be isolated when we’re never really alone? (Hey, Siri…) I actually wrote an article with this question in mind for PSST! Press last year. But the intention I hope we all set out for this month is to not simply witness every facet of isolation, but dive deeply into it, possibly feeling the murkiness of having no one to project ourselves onto. And unravel how we isolate our humanity from ourselves by filling our time with anything, avoiding our own thoughts and present loneliness.
Isolation was very good for me. Before going inward (physically indoors and emotionally into myself) I was so caught up in clout and keeping up with people who didn’t care to keep up with me. Being alone was clarifying in the way that fire burns fields to prepare them for new growth. The loneliness still stings me like embers and it can be hard to look back on what seems a barren landscape, recognizing that all of this pain, confusion, and loneliness will be the building blocks of new and pure connections.
A lot of the themes for this project can be reflected on through the lens of “instant gratification,” because none of the Covid precautions felt all that great in the moment, but the payoff was safety and health for ourselves and others. Interesting how isolation was an act of communal care. The relationship between sacrifice, gain, risk, and responsibility all coalesce(d) under the light of loneliness.
Nothing happens out of context, on its own in a vacuum, it is all connected, but disconnecting from our routines and the physical presence of loved ones brought us to something bigger, even if it was simply grief. I know that doesn’t seem “fair,” but fairness is never the name of the game of life.
Isolation was a punishment if we saw it as such. And if we chose to believe it made us heroes, then we donned the cape of loneliness like it gave us super strength. I remember cycling through these extremes and every step in between them during 2020, but isolation eventually evolved into a cleansing experience, becoming so grounded in my values, knowing exactly where I end and the world begins (even as this boundary changes hourly).
As we trudge out of our caves and into the summer, let us take the meaning we made of isolation with us. Let’s discuss the corners that time to ourselves painted us into (and how we crawled out of a window or simply waited for the paint to dry). There is no right or wrong, but there is an experience, and the more we contextualize these feelings with each other, the more crowded isolation feels.
