december: forgiveness
monthly theme: [celebration]
Forgiveness can be a celebration of our humanity. I know this week I’m supposed to talk about forgiving yourself for not celebrating perfectly, but which came first–the chicken or the egg? The party or the apology? Did Leslie Gore cry because it was her party or merely because she needed a good cry? And does it even matter so long as we’re practicing self-awareness?
The softness I can give to myself in moments of hyper-critical stress are celebrations in and of themselves. It seems really odd to try to separate self-compassion from self-congratulation; because for me, I need both at the same time. If I celebrate myself or my life or even my friends, my ego just starts to get really goofy…
I tend to feel uneasy during times of celebration and often begin to worry that all of this is too good to be true or that if I believe in the praise I’m getting then I’ll become egotistical and inherently bad–it’s pretty fucked up. Which is why I need forgiveness/ self-acceptance smack-dab in the middle of my celebrations.
To me, the week of forgiveness has always been an acceptance of our full humanness; the fact that we cannot show up perfectly every time to every situation. It is about enjoying the progress you’ve made, accepting that there’s still more to do, while not chastising or scrutinizing over the part where you seemingly “fell short.”
That space between where you are and where you want to be–the potential to actualize something new–can be a beautiful place of celebration. Recognizing that growth is a never-ending process is means for celebration. It makes forgiveness inherent to the process of living and celebrating.
Cheers to making progress and accepting that you will continue to progress for your entire life!!
If forgiveness is retroactive in the case of celebration, then the act of celebrating can begin to sour. We want to be able to accept all that comes up for us in our declaration of joy, pride, and peace. Relieve yourself of any expectations that went amiss with a healthy dose of forgiveness. Accept exactly where you're at–the highs and the lows–holding yourself accountable to do it even better next time.
Admit that you’re doing your best. I personally must forgive myself for holding onto the shame that tells me falsely that I don’t deserve to celebrate, that I am not worthy enough for a good time or a little peace. I must forgive myself for feeling uneasy during times of ease. I forgive myself for ever doubting my worth…ooo this is not easy to write…
I am doing my best, there is nothing else I can do except to accept where I’m at and how I react will not always remain the same. I am changing and therefore will always have an opportunity to celebrate, to mark the transitions of life and growth with a ritual of joy.
I will never be perfect, but that doesn’t mean I won’t have reasons to celebrate. I will always be changing, making new habits, and recognizing new opportunities– all of which are more than enough reasons to celebrate without feeling any shame for my ever-growing humanhood.